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Cheney knows what you do alone in the dark. He'll be gone by Monday, so look now.
And speaking of spying extremists ... if you're looking for some interactive fun, head over to Wikipedia's entry on Abortion. Only need to make up a username and password to sign-up. In return, you get to edit any entries you like, your own user page, and a chat page.
Update: I should have used more lubricant. Please don't follow any of the suggestions. Instead, I still encourage you to contribute, but do it in a way that will make the article more useful and informative for the people that read it.
Update 2: And I mean that in every possible sense. I think I've found something far more entertaining. Makes one wonder why a supposedly uncensored encylopedia like Wikipedia doesn't have an entry for this.
Update 3: An amusing and satiric FAQ on Wikipedia by Wired. Fortunately, I didn't write it so I can't be blocked for it. Let's just say that, while not literally true, it is accurate enough that it's worth reading and keeping in mind if you decide you're going to use Wiki in any way.
They are having a fit over me in their little chat area. I am Pro-Lick, BTW. They didn’t like my other name. Apparently in their quest to put their enemy to death, they’ve been accusing other users of being me and banning them.
Make the definition beautiful. You'll get plenty of funny messages in return. There are some real-life religious fanatics trying hard to control the content, and any changes that don't include "death" drive them into a frenzy.
Some suggestions:
- Abortion liberates the uterus.
- Abortion is like a shower for the uterus.
- Abortion cleanses the uterus of bio-contaminants.
- Abortion is fertilization for flowers.
- Abortion frees the uterus of extremist elements.
- Abortion liberates the female from imposed pregnancy.
- Abortion liberates the female from a pregnant dictatorship.
I’ll stop by tonight some time and contribute. Enjoy yourselves and don’t take them seriously. Don’t respond (unless you want to prod them a bit further). Like the supreme court, none of them actually listen. You get 3 changes per 24 hours on any article, so you can switch your changes back twice if someone undoes them. Then you can move on to the pro-life entry and make changes on it, and so on. Narf.
Update: Wikipedia actually blocked me from use for this blog. They continue to let the religious fundamentalists and Bush lovers rule. The result is a poorly written mess that hides the most significant facts, like reading a White House press release when they are trying to hide something. If you need a free encylopedia, try Probert instead. Or, of course, Google. Here's another opinion on Wikipedia to consider.
Because Wiktionary has far fewer problems with personal/political opinions obfuscating content, I've been contributing there. I know it's fun listening to Bush trying to recite Karl Rove's essays, but sometimes you actually want to know what the facts are.
My words of the day, including an accurate Wikipedia article that hasn't been over-run by talk-radio ghost writers:
And it's about time. It finally allowed us to correct all those disparaging personal attacks on Halliburton and Vice President Cheney (Update: this has improved after I made some entries, though still more like reading a White House press release than objective history. I've all become the target of extremists trying to force their opinion by trying to block and delete me from Wikipedia).
Update: The new Wikipedia page of Halliburton Shill.
Update 3: I'm happy to report that Wikipedia does not allow politically slanted names. Not so happy that it was mine. I have since changed user names and my username is now Pro-Lick (it rhymes with Dick).
Now, instead of those liberal news filters, we only quote fair & balanced sources, like the Washington Times and the Bush/Cheney Campaign (i.e., my buddy Karl Rove).
It's not quite right yet. If a reader is a little too smart, they might notice that it still admits that Dick still has a huge financial interest via his stock options in Halliburton. After Dick publicly claimed he didn't on TV, it would be best if we just not mention that at all. 
I don't really understand all this pro-abortion outrage. It's not like the common people have anything important to be concerned about. Us shills and our masters are still able to access high priced doctors and drugs in other countries if our cousin or pastor accidentally impregnates us. Or worse, if some Black or Mexican rapes us. As great Americans, it is their right to move freely abroad. Just be pro-life and don't hate babies.
As for the Internet training manual, it's not like the masses are smart enough to read and understand it. Certainly not the people that live in South Dakota. It's really only useful for those of us with important lives and the innocence of our wives to protect.
If you know of any good, freely available abortion training videos, please leave a comment or email me.
Out of curiosity, I did a search with Google for any actual educational or training videos existed. If the daughters or personal friends of President Bush or Vice President Cheney need my help, I want to be there for them. After all, it is not something that you want the person performing it to have only read about.
I didn't expect anything but bias and propaganda on the Web, but what surprised me is that even on the P2P networks, nearly everything is anti-abortion (what my friend Sam Alito likes to call pro-life).
What's amazing is the lack of any quality, honest videos. There are, of course, plenty available for a fee or via library if you're a student. Medical student and doctor education is a huge market. Some of the anti-abortion videos unintentionally have some minimal use for training. Most indecent films are actually better because the same hole involved is displayed in great detail.
The closest thing I've found to a training film is a Japanese video called Artificial Abortion.rm. Somebody who knows Japanese will have to let me know, but even it seems to be generally against abortion. The key difference is that it goes into great detail, which is what we need.
You'll need eMule installed for the link to work.
Yet another PR stunt and lie gone bad on the Bush war on terrorism. A Pat Tillman criminal probe to begin.
Tillman’s mother “told the Washington Post Saturday that the criminal investigation should have been launched at the onset. "The military has had every opportunity to do the right thing and they haven't," she said. "They knew all along that something was seriously wrong and they just wanted to cover it up."
The odd thing is that soldiers die fairly often from friendly fire, so how/why would the Army know immediately that something was wrong? Could it be because Tillman was not actually deployed in a unit actually active in the war? Hmmmm.
I'm not suggesting that the best way for the soldiers to bring Pat out of the shill closet was to squeeze some hot metal into his flesh. They could have invited and lead an independent reporting team to their location to film Tillman's uselessness.
OTOH, these guys are not hired for their intelligence. They get hired for their field skills. The ability to accurately shoot a gun, for example. Instead, apparently, they were being used to protect Pat's bottom.
As a shill, I want to personally thank Pat for serving as a military shill. He did his job and helped sell the war on terror.
I'm not impressed with the last year of films where Brokeback Mountain will actually win the Academy Award (and set some sort of nomination record to further highlight the lack of other quality films). It deserves an honorable mention and a script award, but not the Oscar.
The Oscars should seriously consider taking a year off when nothing even matches up to the bottom of their list in the previous 2 years. It degrades the award if a film wins simply because of timing luck.
I'm not suggesting Brokeback is a horrible film, though it could have definitely used more bare bottoms. It is a rare film in that it will win based purely on the story quality. There's nothing exceptional about it otherwise. The directing was above average. The acting is pretty much what you would expect watching a TV movie, and the director did little if anything to correct its problems. The subject, however, is controversial enough to cause people to cough up their popcorn while watching. Which brings me to my best-of list for you ...
Rare films that are actually capable of making you feel sick.
I won't say which one, to avoid any enjoyable surprises, but one is even about creating and using such films to cure criminals. We at Halliburton do not approve of any such psychological warfare unless it uses a petroleum based product.
Another oddity is how these films tend to group together. Clockwork and Deliverence were both released in the early 70s, then there were near decade-size gaps before another wrencher appears.
To add to the odd, there are no actual horrror films on the list, but 1 documentary did make it. The closest to the horror genre is Stephen King's reworked novel. I may have put Saw (2004) on this list, but it came after I saw all of these films and simply didn't have enough to overcome that. Another problem with horror films is that they tend not to draw the better acting talent (Misery was an exception), and the feeling that these films really happened/are happening to someone is a very necessary part that lesser acting talent can interfere with.
No 80s films, though Robocop (1987) is close. Some of you may find it more surprising that no pre-70s films are on the list. To me, because of the realism factor, that's not as surprising. Technical limitations were the major factor, though 20 years of war & post-war conservative censorship rules didn't help.
No repeats by any actor/director.
The final oddity is that it doesn't include any of the great 90s psycho-horror films like Silence of the Lambs, Seven, or American Psycho. All of those are capable, I'm sure, of deeply affecting some people, but they are all a bit too surreal and glossy.
All are great films, regardless of whether your stomach churns or not, but listed here in order of least likely to make you ill to the most likely:
Irreversible is the 1 film I'm actually scared to watch again. Which isn't a problem only because I remember it so vividly.
If you think the whole Muslim/Islam/Mohammed cartoon/comic craze is ridiculous, look no further than the USA for a censored education (although the United Arab Emirates or UAE do a fine job too). On the Dilbert Blog, Scott Adams (the comic's author) writes - H
- E
- L
- L
as "h-e-double-toothpicks". In today's Get Fuzzy, the author writes it as "#€%%"
Apparently, the latest "child safe" software is out to satisfy even the dumbest parents. I'm talking about your gosh, darn Lutheran parents, too, not just the Southern Baptist variety with moms named Tammy.
This is a word that anybody can find in a standard dictionary in a library. It also gets used in 54 separate verses within the holy book of Christ licking souls everywhere.
Has anybody thought for even a half second what would happen if an artist redrew the Abu Ghraib torture photos with Jesus as the cigarette smoking soldier smiling for the camera over far less than fully clothed bodies? Then, rather than being released on some obscure Web site or tiny, punk newspaper, got printed on the op/ed pages of every capitol city's paper in America?
Granted, the thought leaves me smiling. But I'm just a shill for our Lord Bush.
Obviously, the real problem here is liberals. All those liberal Muslims against free expression. As Dick Cheney would say:
"Go Faith Under Christ Kids yourselves."
Recently, through the covert operations of a shill venture, Halliburton Shill has been added to Wikipedia, the encylopedia.
Update: Because of politics and egos at Wiki, an updated link for Halliburton Shill.
It, of course, features the man, the shill, the legend: Vice President of the United States of America, Dick Cheney and his favorite corporate investment partner 
.
In a smaller operation performed by a sub-venture of this venture, we infiltrated the Dilbert Blog:
As the liberal news filter has reported, a good man and dedicated American was shot while hunting with our Vice President, Dick Cheney. What they haven't reported is that the actual source of the shot was the bird Dick shot at.
Dick, in an attempt to protect his close, personal friend who was out enjoying guns with him and his extra-marital female companion who's identity has not been released, shot at the bird. It was not, however, the pellets from his shotgun that hit Harry Whittington.
That's right!
Recent intelligence indicates that the damage to Whittington 's face was in fact caused by a smaller gun. In fact, it has been shown that the damage is remarkably similar to what would be experienced as a result of a bird dropping.
You heard it hear first!
Terrorist bird networks have developed high pressure release mechanisms to propel their droppings. The CIA has confirmed these bird networks have been plotting to assassinate our President and Vice President, including the lawyers that protect their legal rights and those of the corporations that support American values.
In fact, they believe that the birds have consumed nuclear waste that could be digested and used to mutilate and kill American citizens.
That's right!
They are in possession of weapons of mass destruction. It is time to send these birds a lesson. No longer can we stand back and let birds fly freely. We must immediately pursue war on the birds. Not just the quails. The pheasants and pigeons, too, and other known conspirators of radical feather extremists.
Virtual physical relations isn't all it's pumped up to be. Computer copulating isn't working for me. I tried typing the commands you see below using a word that rhymes with buck but starts with F. As you can see, it couldn't even figure out whether to do it inside or out. I would have been happy with either.
C:\buck me in the arse
'buck' is not recognized as an internal or external command,
operable program or batch file.
C:\yes
'yes' is not recognized as an internal or external command,
operable program or batch file.
C:\buck me
'buck' is not recognized as an internal or external command,
operable program or batch file.
I think I'm switching to Linux. It's supposed to have more understanding commands. I also hear Vice President Cheney uses it to control his bunker.
It's not quite the same as Dick Cheney shooting a long rifle, but quality photos of N.A_K.E'D, hairy men together are very hard to get. Much less, the hairy buttocks of real men in real life as opposed to actors or models.
That's why I'm so happy. An Australian paper called the Sydney Morning Herald did a great job of providing not just those tiny little thumbnails plastered all over the Web, but large, detailed photos. I saved them all. This is a personal favorite. It includes a midget.
Because they get shrunk so much, you miss out on a lot of detail. For example, in my favorite, I focused on a part of the photo that you wouldn't otherwise notice below:
According to Microsoft Word, the soldier that had his way with the man's cheeks did not spell rapist correctly. It's still a pretty photo of underwear pulled down.
President Bush, Vice President Cheney, and war hero Donald Rumsfeld all deserve medals of honor for making this possible. They have shown holy courage in sharing our traditional values with non-Americans everywhere. If only Fox News would dedicate itself to the truth, we could have close-up video of all this.
Here's another example where apparently they helped liberate a virgin rectum:
Salon also has some exclusive photos (and without any blacked out areas!).
All this talk about Vice President Cheney and his guns has made me hot for more photos of Dick with guns. I still need a 2006 Calendar. Maybe he can pose with some really big guns. There are some tanks in Iraq in need of the soft, expert touch of Dick Cheney's hands.
Last night, I dreamt of Dick. Poor dick had to spend time in the intensive care unit after shooting a 78-year old quail hunter in Texas. 
Accidentally, of course. More importantly, Dick was not shot, though he may be hurt. Apparently, he needed some time to get in touch with his feelings. Poor Vice President Cheney. I'm here for you if your bottom needs rubbing and warming. My heart enlarged 3 sizes for you, just like that Gollum guy in Dr. Seuss. 
Even a useless site like ESPN reported it. Apparently, the PR office of Bush, controlled by my squeaking little piglet Karl Rove, tried to cover it up. After a local news filter reported the truth, they had to report on it with their own spin. Way to go, Karl. You've made my weekly Bush all-star list. Right after Dick, of course.
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