Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Plucking the Bird Conspiracy

As the liberal news filter has reported, a good man and dedicated American was shot while hunting with our Vice President, Dick Cheney. What they haven't reported is that the actual source of the shot was the bird Dick shot at.

Dick, in an attempt to protect his close, personal friend who was out enjoying guns with him and his extra-marital female companion who's identity has not been released, shot at the bird. It was not, however, the pellets from his shotgun that hit Harry Whittington.

That's right!

Recent intelligence indicates that the damage to Whittington 's face was in fact caused by a smaller gun. In fact, it has been shown that the damage is remarkably similar to what would be experienced as a result of a bird dropping.

You heard it hear first!

Terrorist bird networks have developed high pressure release mechanisms to propel their droppings. The CIA has confirmed these bird networks have been plotting to assassinate our President and Vice President, including the lawyers that protect their legal rights and those of the corporations that support American values.

In fact, they believe that the birds have consumed nuclear waste that could be digested and used to mutilate and kill American citizens.

That's right!

They are in possession of weapons of mass destruction. It is time to send these birds a lesson. No longer can we stand back and let birds fly freely. We must immediately pursue war on the birds. Not just the quails. The pheasants and pigeons, too, and other known conspirators of radical feather extremists.

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