Friday, February 10, 2006

Church of the Holy Anus of Jesus

To make better use of the tax-payer funds made available for faith based organizations, I intend to launch the Church and School of the Holy Anus.

We will emphasize the importance of keeping your anus clean and well exercised to prepare for the second coming. We will also emphasize having a close group of friends, like the 12 apostles, to help you with this task. Only the gifts god has given us directly will be employed. Our tongue, fingers, and of course water.

Our goal is to also add a pre-school and independent private school by 2008. Education through humor, comics, cartoons, and deep, internal prayer will be welcomed and encouraged.

To avoid misunderstandings with our holy people (pastors) and our congregation, we will only baptize those of legal adult age in the United States of America. Children will be educated, but will not be allowed to even watch a baptism until they are adults.

Converts from outside religions that do not properly respect the importance of the anus and tongue, nor why god placed it on our bodies, will be allowed to partake in baptisms as soon as the local pastor feels they understand our gospel. Men and women are equally welcome, and can and will hold equal positions within our community. The anus was placed equally on all of god's creatures.

I want to thank Vice President Cheney who has made available faith-based education funds possible through PR President Bush.

If you would like to donate or help me with the legal and government details of founding this church, please leave a comment or email me.

I am eager to establish this true religion before we lose Cheney and bush to impeachment or election. Fortunately, we do now have a more family-oriented Supreme Court to protect us in the many years ahead with the addition of Judge Alito.

A proud member of Shills for Dick in 2008.

No comments: