Monday, November 13, 2006

Still on Course

Plenty of digging work to do still:
No need to worry about the election results. Still business as usual. I wouldn't consider selling Halliburton stock until January when the Democrats actually control congress. Even then, Bush is still President, Cheney is still Vice President, and they can still veto. The Democrats don't have enough control to override a veto.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Senator George Allen is a Shill too

Let's take a moment to welcome Senator Allen of Virginia to the shill world.

He still has to work on some of his shill skills. The best shills get paid up front or under the table instead of in options. Granted, in options, the better job you do shilling, the more money you make. It's also still difficult legally to call it a bribe. It takes advantage of general ignorance of stock options. It worked for Cheney.

You can read about it in:
Fox News, the Washington Times, and other Republican PR tools are doing their best to keep it quiet and the news focused on other distractions, like Foley. Good job!

He's been promoting corporations he worked for to the military and for other government contracts for the last five years. Like the great Dick Cheney, he accepted options as payment. He'll also probably end up having to "donate" the money to his favorite "charities". Charities pay too. Great way to lock in a job if your political career stalls.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Iraq Contracts - Get'm while they're HOT

I think the message is obvious to most, but just in case. That's easy money for our Halliburton divisions. Don't let the Iraqis get the easy contracts. Just because we're not digging oil wells doesn't mean we can't put our digging equipment to use. They'll have to cement those off soon, too, and we have cementing services (ElastiCem™) to offer.

Primary Election Voting Guide

Normally, you can just ignore these elections. I received a letter from one unfortunate mom, however, who lives in Massachusetts. She has to chose between a woman and a macaca for her governor.

According to studies performed by researchers at The Colbert Report, when you live in an east coast, ivy-league state like Massachusetts, you can't behave like a real American. You have to vote in Democratic party primaries.

The easiest way is usually to vote for whoever has the simplest name to pronounce. The harder it is to pronounce, the more likely that it's actually a covert terrorist. If you have extra time, you can also follow the money. The best method is to select the candidate who has received the most money from oil, gun, alcohol, and tobacco companies. The corporations know best.

If all that still results in a tie, go with whoever talks about babies and family the most. The Godless ones try to avoid the subject by talking about health and education.

Monday, September 11, 2006

America Remembers 5.0

Or Never Forget 5.0.

Or as a film, America Remembers 5 - The Zombies Return.

Either way, you'll enjoy this more than listening to President Bush and Republican politicians trying to cash in on terrorism and sadness again. Much, much, much more than listening to yet another coworker's story about what he/she/it was doing on 9/11.

Funny, shocking, and you won't cry unless you think about taxes or gas.

If you find it too small, this is the large screen version. Just use the above link if you want to check out more of his flash animations (complete with sound effects, so office workers adjust your volume).

It includes all our fearless leaders: Vice President Cheney, Iraq War Secretary Rumsfeld, and even the very hot Condi Rice. But for some reason Halliburton is left out. I guarantee you that Halliburton would have a high-rise oil well built on the World Trade Center ground by the end of the month. Just sign the contract.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Today's Word: Front Organization

Brought to you by my friends at Vets for Freedom. You can help fund them through the Vets for Freedom Action Fund.

They are in no way connected with my friends at The Donatelli Group. They may not be an emmy winner, but they'll make sure you don't slip to a nip.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Terrorist Macacas

Beware, they're everywhere!

Sign upand liberate Puto from the terrorist astronomers that blame Earth first and run.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Lieberman Hacks Own Site for Free Publicity

And the media jump in eager to help and report Web site "hacking". Despite being a "liberal media". A great analysis of Lieberman's ploy.

Rather odd that someone that supported wiretapping and all Bush's pretend security "measures" can't even protect his own Internet site. Lieberman doesn't actually need it because he already has a U.S. taxpayer paid site:

The reality is Lieberman is way behind Ned Lamont. He desperately wants any sympathy he can get and, of course, the typical political attack of trying to make your opponent look like a crook. Lieberman's the one with a huge collection of corporate contributions supporting his campaign. A liar, a crook, and another reason for ridiculously high oil and gas prices.

If you're in Connecticut, vote in the primary. Now. It's today. If he were a Cheney shill instead of a Bush shill, I might support him. After all, he's a Jew, and everybody knows all Jews are shills.

As it is, yet another reason not to trust Lieberman and to vote for Lamont. Copy and paste into your browser to see the site.

Saturday, August 05, 2006


Wikiality is the reality that Wikipedia can't handle. I contribute my services there as a Stephen Colbert historian.

Update 2006.08.10
  • I also contribute services at as a Protector of Truthiness.
  • There are about 15 actual news articles on wikiality now. Wikipedia and it's dictionary site Wiktionary still refuse to allow it to be added. For now. The truthiness will prevail eventually.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

MySpace Love

If you have an ad blocker or have your firewall set to block anything from (as I do :P), you won't be able to see the fine denim covered buttocks selling love via MySpace.

For some reason, they've targeted me for this ad (as I sign out) despite having marked being married with children and the MySpace equivalent of fat ("more to love"). Not that anything I enter there is true, but maybe I'd like to something bigger that can leave a shill a little something between the cheeks.

Of course, I wouldn't mind something hairy either. And why only 1 click? Shouldn't love be a multiple clickgasm?

Anyway, the point of this is (i.e., Atlas "a partner for results" and subsidiary of aQuantive) is paying (i.e., an "other asset" of Rupert Murdoch's News Corp. that owns and dictates what Fox News "reports") to sell "love".

Use MySpace, abuse MySpace, but do not pay for it. It's a shilling device, not to be paid for or given information you would want sold and resold among advertisers and "partners" or the governments and organizations that can easily acquire the information from them for their own purposes, which I'm sure never involves spying or any invasions of your privacy.

Update 2006.11.13
Now I'm a lesbian...

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Clerks II Ass to Mouth Question

Clerks II turns this into some sort of morality issue. The question is not should you go ass to mouth. The question is why.

Why return to the mouth when the person has opened their ass to you?

Take the Lebanon; forget the Israel. Embrace the ass. Feel the ass. Dig into that asshole. Caress the cheeks with your cheeks. Spread them. Kiss them. Lick them. Squeeze them. Hold them and never let them go.

It really makes no sense to bother with the mouth anymore. Unless, of course, you were 69'n and want to share the taste of each other's ass mixed together. Otherwise, give that ass one final slap and get back to the business of transferring corporate bribes to offshore bank accounts or leaking information about people that dare to disagree with your leader.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Hot Puzzle Action

This was not taken from a school book. This will not appear in a school book. Solving this will not turn you into a dork that stays inside all summer reading or programming your computer to do stupid things like share movies and music.

Instead, you will continue to go to the theater and pay full price to listen to cell phones ring, babies cry, teen girls talk about the boys they really like, and people munch on food like they're in a bar with their fat buddies watching a game on big screen TV. As a bonus, you will overpay for genetically modified food that will make you fat, give you zits, and probably cause you or your baby to develop some deformity that an industry will be sued for 20 years from now.

A simple problem so not too many of your brain cells die while all you kiddies do nothing during the hot summer. I know, some weird people live south of the equator, so it's a relatively warm, slushy winter.

The puzzle: You are with a person of the gender you prefer. Neither of you have any genetic deformities nor have had any of your limbs blown off in a war. If you are squeezing a nipple and the other person is squeezing a nipple, how many hands are left to attend to parts below the belly button?

Those that post the correct answer will get a link to a video of President Bush being given the middle finger by a little girl.

Monday, July 17, 2006

He-Boobie Evolution

For a limited time, discover the glorious history the now extinct great-woolly-he-boobie of America.

Imagine the joy of mating with one of these instead of a skinny freak like Katie Holmes.

It's not as fun as reading about Bush avoiding North Korea's WMD testing, but you do get to see how relatives of Vice President Dick Cheney look before they become extinct from the climate crisis. All the smart shills are investing in sun-tan lotion stock.

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Defeat Flag Terrorism

This 4th of July, not only do we need to shoot and explode fireworks on those desecrating the flag by burning it or putting a flag sticker on their hummer, we need to shoot those that desecrate our proud American corporate logos.

After all, we are celebrating the birth of the USA and our liberty, not free speech. Show them the way to god by putting that firecracker in a special spot.

If you see some one abusing any of these American corporate logos that symbolize the victory of freedom and Jesus over terrorism and Mohammed, be sure to punish them severely. If they're doing it on the Web with one of those funny graphics programs like Gimp, report their treason to the site's administrator. Those images must be removed. Think of the children.
  • Halliburton
  • Exxon
  • Coca-cola
  • McDonalds
  • Wal-Mart

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Rush Limbaugh likes Big African-Latino Bottoms

Sure, all us shills do. Rush, however, probably likes it unprotected and under-age, too. And I wouldn't rule out boys. As you probably already laughed about, Rush got caught on his way back from vacation in the 84% non-white Dominican Republic with an unprescribed bottle of Viagra.

Rush could have gotten protected sex, even involving the non-procreative back hole, in Nevada without having to go through international airport security. Getting Viagra without a prescription in the USA is not exactly difficult. Of course, he would have been required to do it with an adult and use a protective device
for the pedophile's

It's not like some young, hot babe (or stud) is going to do Rush for free. There's huge unemployment and income problems in the Dominican Republic, creating the motivation for selling one's body. It also borders Haiti, a place Rush could visit more or less anonymously via rental car. DR's median age is 24, Haiti's is 18 and is nearly completely black/American (non-white), in a state of poverty, but has much more HIV infection among the population.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Bushy Wushy is Upset

Not that it's anything new, but it is a relatively new spin for Chief Shill of Staff Karl Rove to stage President Bush being angry. At least Lord and Vice President Cheney actually looks angry.

Does anyone actually think Bush would be happy about once again having his illegal activities being discovered by "spies" of the press? Aren't they supposed to be the stupid, biased, liberal media that knows nothing? Rather disgraceful that they outsmart the president and all the sycophants he's personally inserted into the government.

Yet another reason for impeachment in addition to the spying and breaking of every principle of freedom in the United States. And the ridiculous gas prices.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

End is Finally Here

It's the 6th day of the 6th month of the 6th year of the new millenium. 666. That means if you believe in Jesus, you must kill yourself and your president. If you don't, you obviously hate Jesus and worship Satan. You have until 6 PM.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

The One, True, Virgin Born Tongue

Some of you have been wondering what good is a shill. But I'm not just any shill. I'm the one, true shill. The shill who's tongue is the only known one to have experienced virgin birth. So pure it is that it can slip into even the tightest crack. While my nose lacks the lubrication and dexterity of my tongue, it is very capable of slipping in after my tongue has secured entry.

Monday, May 08, 2006

Cheney & Rove give Birth to Hayden

White House Deputy Chief of Staff Karl Rove and Vice President Cheney unveiled the first product of the secret funding where all the tax dollars for Iraq have actually been going. It has been known as Mission Clone.

The child of their special love has been named General Michael Hayden and will rule the CIA as its new director.

President Bush and 1st Lady Laura were named as godfather and godmother. Stephen Colbert has promised to gain some extra weight.

Friday, April 28, 2006

Kissed by a Bush

Or, how to use Bush league logic.
A comic for the good boys and girls that don't believe in the environment monster.

Remember, impeachment of President Bush means we get Dick for president, not some crony fairy. Support Vice President Cheney, liberate the Bush. And pretty soon, Kaavya Viswanathan will be writing a book about how America got kissed by a prince while Pink sings Dear Mr. Sycophant on Youtube.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Impeach Bush - Give Dick a chance!

Awww, cute, little Georgie boy isn't going to get his war in Iran. Nuclear intelligence just doesn't seem to agree with Bush. His cute little cheer leader Michelle Malkin will be very sad. He'll have to stomp up and down and demand TV time to "take it to the people". The people certainly know how to take it.

This brings up the highly important question of why isn't Dick president? Am I not praying hard enough? Bush has less going on between his ears than a radioactive waste site. Vice President Cheney, besides being hotter than the Duke lacrosse team, has proven his ability to handle financial interests of his own and at Halliburton.

When do the impeachment hearings begin? Football doesn't start for another 5 months and baseball is boring and filled with all those negro-South-American half-breed freedom-haters from little Spanish islands sneaking into our country.